Catherine the Great’s “Rules for the Behaviour of All Those Entering These Doors”
(With additions by Liana the Also Pretty Good.)
1. All ranks shall be left outside the doors, similarly hats, and particularly swords.
(Unless said hats and swords are part of a costume, of course. Then the swords have to be rubber or cardboard. Yaoi paddles are prohibited.)
2. Orders of precedence and haughtiness, and anything of such like which might result from them, shall be left at the doors.
(Just listen to the concom and volunteers, mmkay?)
3. Be merry, but neither spoil nor break anything, nore (sic) indeed gnaw at anything.
(We’ve seen the confail stories. We know we have to warn against gnawing. No gnawing! I’m serious!)
4. Be seated, stand or walk as it best pleases you, regardless of others.
(Get permission before yiffing or scritching, and no glomping in the halls.)
5. Speak with moderation and not too loudly, so that others present have not an earache or headache.
(If you have a headache when you arrive, blame the Behemoth.)
6. Argue without anger or passion.
(Except about Farscape, Stargate, Watchmen, or Spiderman: One More Day. Then just don’t punch each other.)
7. Do not sigh or yawn, neither bore nor fatigue others.
8. Agree to partake of any innocent entertainment suggested by others.
(But “no” means no when pictures are involved.)
9. Eat well of good things, but drink with moderation so that each should be able always to find his legs on leaving these doors.
(If you overindulge, find the nearest bathtub, and beware of sharpies.)
10. All disputes must stay behind closed doors; and what goes in one ear should go out the other before departing through the doors.
(AND FOR @$#%’S SAKE KEEP IT OFF TWITTER!)